Trouble On The Interstate

A Goat Story

Photo by Grace Mooney on Unsplash

There was a lot of traffic as I made my way onto the interstate. A semi whizzed by, sending a spray of water that covered the driver’s window. I looked in the mirror and saw an opening so I gave it some gas and tried to squeeze in, 50…55…60... If I had only known what was about to happen I would have slowed down and gotten off the road.

In the back of my pickup were two goats nestled safely inside of a large, metal dog pen. I had found the pen was perfect for transporting one or two of them at the time. It was easy to put in the back of my truck, the goats fit easily and it kept me from having to borrow my brother’s trailer. On this particular day it was raining so I had covered the pen with a blue tarp and attached it with bungee cords. The situation that was about to unfold on the interstate came about because I attached the tarp to the pen itself, not to anything in the truck. Maybe you can see where this is going.

Back to the interstate…

I pulled into traffic going about 65 mph. Most of the cars had pulled over to let me in, but a full size pickup truck was coming up on me fast. I was watching him in my rear view mirror when I suddenly saw the tarp covering the goat pen expand like a parachute. I watched in horror as the top of the pen floated out of my truck and onto the highway. The truck behind me tried to swerve, but ended up crashing right through it (for anyone worried about the goats you can breathe easy because they are going to be okay). My hands tightened on the steering wheel and I pulled to the side of the road, fully expecting cars to start crashing into one another at any moment.

To my surprise, not a single car accident took place. In fact, no one even stopped. Even the guy in the pickup truck that nailed the parachutic pen head on kept right on going (parachutic may or may not be an actual word, but I really like the sound of it). I didn’t have time to dwell on this though because almost as soon as I came to a stop the goats, who were still in the back of the truck at this point, jumped out, ran up a small embankment and started feasting on the long, green grass.

I was afraid the goats would somehow wander out onto the busy interstate, so I headed up the embankment to catch them. Luckily, they were wearing collars so grabbing hold of them was pretty easy. My plan was to walk them back to the truck and put them inside the king cab. I know this sounds weird, but there were no other options. They couldn't ride in the bed of the truck and the evaporated pen was no longer part of this world.

The goats were thoroughly enjoying their meal of virgin grass so they fought me all the way to the truck. I had one in each hand as I struggled up to the passenger side of the vehicle. I somehow managed to pull up on the door handle while holding both goats at the same time. To my dismay, the door was locked! The driver's side was dangerously close to the flow of oncoming traffic and I didn't want to risk loading them on that side so, reluctantly, I let them go. They bolted back up the embankment to their grassy feast and I ran around to the driver’s side to unlock the passenger door.

After unlocking the door I headed back up the embankment to try again. It was still drizzling rain and I was pretty wet by now. Since the goats were enjoying the grass so much I decided to save myself a fight and load them one at the time. It wasn't exactly easy getting them behind the front seat and into the king cab, but I somehow got it done. I can't imagine what the people zipping by in their cars must have thought. If anyone noticed; however, they certainly didn't stop to help. It still amazes me that no one stopped after the tarp covered pen blew out and got obliterated by the speeding truck.

There was no way to turn around and head home so once I got them loaded I pulled back onto the interstate. The inside of the truck was filled with the unmistakable smells of wet fur and fresh cut grass. After a few minutes on the highway one of the goats stuck his head between the seats beside me and started looking out the front window. I distinctly remember a guy in a red sports car pulling up beside me about this time. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he looked over and saw the goat inside the truck, slowly chewing his grass, staring straight ahead. I shrugged my shoulders, gave a little wave and watched him go on by. I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

When I finally arrived I pulled to an area where I could get the goats out without anyone seeing me because, to be honest, I was quite embarrassed over the whole thing. I thought I had managed to get away unseen until I walked up to the holding area. The guy responsible for checking them in said, “Now there’s a man who loves his goats; let’s them ride in the front seat with him.”

I just smiled and checked in.